No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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