I'm lost and stupid without you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
