To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
