You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
