does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
