Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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