Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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