i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize