This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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