Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
