1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
