My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
