yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
