I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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