just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
