I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
