I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
pop tarts are not kleenex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
