Can i not drive my cunt home
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
