i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
