I could have mohawked her pubes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
