My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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