girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
