I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
