Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My balls are so social today.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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