scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
