He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
