good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
