My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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