There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
