She is in my trunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
