he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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