well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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