OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
