so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
