3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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