ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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