smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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