Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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