p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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