Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
