Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
