I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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