Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
