It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
