Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
