I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
