Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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