They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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