why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
