HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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