remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
