I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize