I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
