I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
