I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
