I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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