Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
