I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Where are you guys?
Drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
