So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
