I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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