I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
