idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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