the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
