One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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