He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
