my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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