i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
In America we eat man semen.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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