and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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