So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
