How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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