I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
