this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
