I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
