If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
