You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
