it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
