Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
