just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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