So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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