So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
