I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
two words: eviction party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
