I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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