He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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